The past two weeks have been a challenge. Those of you who have survived loss, abuse, depression, physical limitations, addictions, etc., know what it is to face another day. Survival depends on our willingness to fight and not give up. Life isn’t fair, we must adapt and find what works for us. This is how I am dealing with a bad situation: just doing what needs to be done, mutual sharing with family and friends, even a little Texas Holdem poker. This entry is choppy, not exciting or beautiful-read at your own risk, Haha
And my day begins. I woke up at 11:00 a.m. but didn’t go to sleep until after 7:00 a.m. My equilibrium was askew and I walked sideways to the coffee maker. My daughter called to inform me that her phone had been off, wanting to make sure she had not missed a call from me. We chatted for a few minutes and I intended visiting with her Saturday afternoon.
A reminder was scribbled on a sketch pad a few hours before: bank, make dental and cardiologist appointments and check on insurance coverage. Not on my list were things like cleaning, laundry, giving my pet a bath, moving a bookshelf, cooking, and washing dishes afterwards. The visit with my daughter and grandson was moved to Sunday. I shot her a text to let her know. “Sounds good, I’m ready for a nap anyway” she answered. I text messaged back, “Okay, I love you” in emoticons.
A couple of weeks ago a friend told me she was having cataracts removed. I called her to check up on how the surgery went. We shared with each other for about an hour. E.S. is a tenth degree grandma and has super powers that put any Marvel Comic hero to shame. Mess with one of her babies and she will go all Hulk on you in the name of Jesus. She’s also a great friend of nearly thirty years, the mom I never had as a child, the one I wanted and needed. We ended the call as we always do, with the words “I love you.”
A friend from work called soon after my conversation with E.S. ended, she shared disturbing news-we promised to talk tomorrow.
Another phone call lasted about twenty minutes with my friend P.B. She told me about her storm and I shared my current battle. We talked about possibilities, solutions and hope. All three friends and myself are dealing with life struggles. We all chose fight instead of flight.
I warmed a pork chop in the microwave and shared it with my Chi-Yorkie, and wonder if she even tastes it as the chunk of meat disappears in two seconds. Do other people think about these things?? Dogs have a tongue and teeth but swallow food whole, how can they taste food that isn’t chewed? Do they taste it later or what?
A tile painting had been laying in the floor for a week because some tiles had to be glued back in place, a couple broke. I do plan on filling the gaps with plaster, painting and sealing later, but right now I just want it up and off the floor. It is very heavy and was awkward to hang.
I finished the laundry, cleaning and then entered a poker tournament. After moving the bookshelf earlier I selected one to read, The Feeling Good Handbook, and began reading it during the tournament. In the first chapter the author states: “If you want to break out of a bad mood, you must first remember that every type of negative feeling results from a specific negative thought.” That is true, but negative circumstances bring on negative thoughts. Some situations we have little or no control over.
While playing poker this thought crossed my mind: Look at what you’ve survived as a child, you can survive this hardship too. You can do this. Talking with my children and three friends today helped balance things out. Staying busy relieved the stress and I am much happier with a clean and uncluttered home.
Finished 7th in the tournament and collected over 75k in play chips. I take screen shots when reaching a final table because it means beating the odds, and send my son a pic because he plays the game; we are competitive, but it is all in fun.
He did a little trading and is now the proud owner of exotic laying hens XD He loves watching them and says they are very tame. After telling him I was coming up for a visit and bringing my camera to take photos for a blog, he laughed and sent pictures of hens he was looking for; one is called Golden Laced Cochin. We said good night and I love yous were exchanged.
Truth is, I am still upset about what is going on, but it will be okay one way or another. I will just keep doing the next thing that needs to be done.
Maybe I will see you at the poker tables, beware-I do bluff, occasionally go all-in and hedge bets when possible.