Is silence always golden?
Silence does not mean we are incapable or fear confrontation, but rather we are choosing not to speak. After injury, there is a space of time between wrongdoing and forgiveness we bear the heavy burden of bitterness. We examine the offense in detail, grapple with reason, and question the motives of our enemy. Our conscience prompts introspection, where we determine if we had a part to play in what transpired.
Silence speaks its own message, the lack of words over a period of time is directly connected to the depth of the wound(s) we bear. It is simply too hard for us to deal with. Hopefully we turn our attention to work, or some other form of productivity instead of drugs or drinking alcohol. Choosing productivity and silence is not bad, but are band aids that can only cover a wound temporarily. Reaching goals does build confidence, but that will not heal a wound created by extreme trauma. Choosing to self-medicate is something I understand, alcohol was my choice over prescription medication. Mainly because I abhor the labels placed on those who turn to a therapist for help. You will find no judgment here. Just know you will have to get clean before you heal completely.
Never mistake silence for choking on words. It could be they are simply planning to clear out the old to make room for the new.
I was silent for many years about what happened in my childhood. Children and adults alike suppress the details of trauma and many times blame ourselves for what happened. It’s a lie we tell ourselves and I’m not sure why. But eventually we will have to speak to heal. It may be confiding in a friend, family member, therapist, co-worker, God, or writing in a blog or journal. Know that speaking up does not mean acceptance, it does mean we are taking a step towards healing. If we never speak to our offender, then there is no clearing. How will they ever know we’ve forgiven them if we never say it? Yes, we can show love in actions, but to hear the words is good too. If they haven’t already apologized, we give them a place through bringing up the wound. The confrontation’s tone will depend on the circumstances and where we are emotionally when it occurs. Addressing the issues with gentleness would be ideal, but some situations require a firm stance.
We are human and do speak sometimes when angry, usually a bad idea, because we could say words we regret later. Today I confronted a man who had told a lie to my neighbor. Normally I would not get involved but he indicated me and it was untrue. The man denied he said it. That same man has previously caused conflict between neighbors due to gossiping and lies. I am positive my displeasure was evident; I simply told him in a firm tone that I knew what he had said and that it was a lie. The manager of our complex has spoken to him about creating conflict between neighbors in the past to no avail. Speaking up does not mean acceptance and could be met with denial. That’s okay, confrontation is not always easy, but it does clear the air and often bitterness from the heart.